He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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