so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
