I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Panties = found
Randomize
