I cockslap morals
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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