Me too!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
