im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
false alarm, still single
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
