Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
