we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
