then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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