So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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