Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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