Only a mothe r could love this liver
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My penis needs a shock collar
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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