drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
