I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
