cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize