you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
