Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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