I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
