I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
