Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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