I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
organizing the empties. That sober.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
