i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
