i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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