at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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