and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
