I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
