3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
