PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
