The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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