A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
