You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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