i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
