i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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