Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
