I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
