New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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