how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
