Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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