Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
