and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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