I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
