I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
