please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i black out too much to be "responsible"