from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
