That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
