I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
