I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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