im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
