I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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