so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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