My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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