I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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