So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize