If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
