I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
