I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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