My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Plan B is the new Plan A
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize