Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
