hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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