I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
