everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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