no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
only if we run a train.
done.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
