I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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