I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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