We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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