Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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