I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
