just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
