you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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