zippers are such a cool invention
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
