No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
