I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
