If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
