Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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