Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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